World Cup ‘Totally Fucking Ruined’ By Female Pundits

The 2018 World Cup has been declared the worst thing in living memory by a succession of pitifully insecure manbabies whose testicles spontaneously wither and die like unpicked grapes at the first sniff of anything that even vaguely resembles sexual equality.

This outpouring of misogynistic Y-front shitting began a week ago when it was first revealed that, not only were women going to be allowed to have opinions about football, but that they would actually be broadcast to homes across the UK, where they would inevitably be heard. By men. 

The petulant screeching reached fever pitch today, when former England international Eniola Aluko had the actual fucking temerity to disagree with Northern Irish penis-owner Martin O’Neill about whether a certain incident in the Australia v Denmark game constituted a penalty. It was unanimously agreed by Twitter’s committee of basement-dwelling incels with West Ham Utd avatars that ‘that woman’ didn’t have the first fucking clue what she was talking about, whilst Slaven Bilic, who agreed with her, was given a pass on account of his being in possession of a set of those well-known dispensers of football-related knowledge, testicles.

Window cleaner and born-again virgin, Simon, 46, from Stevenage, said,

“I’m so fucking angry right now I could smash up my mum’s TV. The only pair of tits I expected to see on Match of the Day were Alan Shearer and Danny Murphy, and now I’m supposed to tolerate being faced with a woman who wouldn’t have to stand there in bemused silence while I condescendingly explained the offside rule to her? Fuck that. The World Cup can get to shit as far as I’m concerned.”

Norman, 33, from Dorset, who has been temporarily sleeping on his friend’s sofa for the past two years after his wife finally realised what a bastard he is, agreed, saying,

“This politically correct posturing has gone too far. First they tell us we’re not allowed to grab birds’ tits at work, and now this. It’s the fucking limit. It’s this kind of shit that led to Karen thinking she deserved more than dismissive grunting and uninspiring fortnightly sex. The fucking bitch.”

We approached BBC pundit Alex Scott for a comment, but her agent justifiably pointed out that she was too busy being successful, knowledgeable and erudite to waste her time responding to the eminently fucking cunty whining of pin-dicked internet wankers.