World Cup ‘Totally Fucking Ruined’ By Female Pundits

The 2018 World Cup has been declared the worst thing in living memory by a succession of pitifully insecure manbabies whose testicles spontaneously wither and die like unpicked grapes at the first sniff of anything that even vaguely resembles sexual equality. This outpouring of misogynistic Y-front shitting began a week ago when it was first … Continue reading World Cup ‘Totally Fucking Ruined’ By Female Pundits

Second World War ‘started by some bloke’, says Nick Timothy

Former Downing Street communications guru Nick Timothy has claimed that World War Two was started by a pissed off Nazi party staffer while Hitler was away on his holidays. Previously best known for taking a colossal fucking shite on the Conservatives’ 2017 election campaign, these shocking revelations catapulted disingenuous wankbiscuit Timothy back to the forefront … Continue reading Second World War ‘started by some bloke’, says Nick Timothy

Bolton: Wanderer’s Setback In Sunday Showdown

It’s hard not to feel sorry for Henry Bolton, isn’t it? Following a series of occurrences largely outside of his control, the noxious divorce-enthusiast has achieved the unlikely feat of being unanimously declared too toxic for a party whose previous leaders have included a morose, Benson and Hedges-smoking turtle who only turns up for work … Continue reading Bolton: Wanderer’s Setback In Sunday Showdown

Gove describes himself using C-word: picks wrong one

Michael Gove has today promised to review his half-arsed approach to his attempts to appear vaguely human, lest his frequent mishaps contribute to the increasingly common public perception of him as an oily, detestable little shit. Following a series of unfortunate events in 2016, where he inadvertently told a sequence of increasingly outrageous barefaced lies … Continue reading Gove describes himself using C-word: picks wrong one

Soon-to-be estranged husband proposes ‘temporary sexual union’

A Grimsby husband, who last week told his wife he was leaving her but who is now soiling himself at the prospect of living alone in a sticky-carpeted bedsit, has proposed establishing a ‘temporary sexual union’ to enable him to stay put without having to accept responsibility for having taken a massive metaphorical shit in … Continue reading Soon-to-be estranged husband proposes ‘temporary sexual union’