Second World War ‘started by some bloke’, says Nick Timothy

Former Downing Street communications guru Nick Timothy has claimed that World War Two was started by a pissed off Nazi party staffer while Hitler was away on his holidays. Previously best known for taking a colossal fucking shite on the Conservatives’ 2017 election campaign, these shocking revelations catapulted disingenuous wankbiscuit Timothy back to the forefront … Continue reading Second World War ‘started by some bloke’, says Nick Timothy

Bolton: Wanderer’s Setback In Sunday Showdown

It’s hard not to feel sorry for Henry Bolton, isn’t it? Following a series of occurrences largely outside of his control, the noxious divorce-enthusiast has achieved the unlikely feat of being unanimously declared too toxic for a party whose previous leaders have included a morose, Benson and Hedges-smoking turtle who only turns up for work … Continue reading Bolton: Wanderer’s Setback In Sunday Showdown

Gove describes himself using C-word: picks wrong one

Michael Gove has today promised to review his half-arsed approach to his attempts to appear vaguely human, lest his frequent mishaps contribute to the increasingly common public perception of him as an oily, detestable little shit. Following a series of unfortunate events in 2016, where he inadvertently told a sequence of increasingly outrageous barefaced lies … Continue reading Gove describes himself using C-word: picks wrong one

Soon-to-be estranged husband proposes ‘temporary sexual union’

A Grimsby husband, who last week told his wife he was leaving her but who is now soiling himself at the prospect of living alone in a sticky-carpeted bedsit, has proposed establishing a ‘temporary sexual union’ to enable him to stay put without having to accept responsibility for having taken a massive metaphorical shit in … Continue reading Soon-to-be estranged husband proposes ‘temporary sexual union’