“My only problem is a surplus of decency,” argues suspected child rapist

A man suspected of raping underage girls argued last night that he continued his friendship with a man proven in a court of law to have raped underage girls because he was simply too principled to end his association with the aforementioned nonce. The man, who cannot be named for legal reasons, but who we … Continue reading “My only problem is a surplus of decency,” argues suspected child rapist

Outrage as Jeremy Corbyn suspected of not having ‘LEST WE FORGET’ tattooed along the top of his cock

Jeremy Corbyn sparked fury today as it emerged that he was vanishingly unlikely to have any kind of statement supporting Our Brave Lads And Lasses indelibly marked into the north-facing portion of his old chap.  According to an exclusive report by the Daily Express, the words ‘lest we forget’ do not appear anywhere along the … Continue reading Outrage as Jeremy Corbyn suspected of not having ‘LEST WE FORGET’ tattooed along the top of his cock

In defence of the true victims of Me Too: I will not desert you

The news that women have finally achieved true equality could hardly be more welcome. Who could fail to be uplifted by the realisation that fifty percent of the world’s population are now, without exception, paid what they are worth, able to express ideas without being shouted down by the other fifty percent, and free to … Continue reading In defence of the true victims of Me Too: I will not desert you

Man who has trouble predicting entirely predictable things somehow still alive

It has emerged today that a man who is unable to foresee the most obvious shit imaginable has somehow managed not to die, despite his prolific and unrelenting stupidity. Rod Purley, an irredeemable twat who makes a living running the BBC into the fucking ground, has somehow managed to remain not deceased for a period … Continue reading Man who has trouble predicting entirely predictable things somehow still alive

Puppies, poultry and self-immolation: an object lesson in being careful what you wish for

Imagine wanting something so badly that you’ll do anything to get it. Dishonesty, disloyalty, racism, homophobia, the steadfast promise to deliver something you know in your heart is intrinsically repugnant: nothing is off the table in your quest to lay your hands on that which is rightfully yours. Imagine then, that you finally achieve your … Continue reading Puppies, poultry and self-immolation: an object lesson in being careful what you wish for